For the love of Pete

Well, here you are.

While the number of possible reasons for why you are seeing this page are quite literally infinite (as a short proof, think of as many reasons as you can for why you're seeing this page, and count them all — let that be n; now think of one more reason, and that is n+1; the proof is left as an exercise for the source of error (which is probably the reader)), as a service to you, the reader (and likely source of error), Cockahoop.com has provided a list of possible explanations of how you (or, very improbably, something or someone else) screwed up.

If you haven't yet found the list, then everybody except you has already figured out what the problem is, and you really aren't smart enough to deserve a Web-surfing license (nor are you likely smart enough to realize that there's no such thing as a Web-surfing license (as of this writing, which is undated), nor even smart enough to read this sentence which tells you right here that there's no such thing as a Web-surfing license (cf. previous parenthetical note), not that you're capable of parsing its admittedly convoluted structure which abounds in dependent clauses and copious parenthetical asides).

The list is not comprehensive — which you would know if you even bothered to read the first sentence, you illiterate goof; how can you expect to find the right Web page if you're not even going to read the explanatory text on a page that's trying to help you?! — and is not meant to solve any problem or diagnose any one of the many serious psychological disorders you almost certainly have.

But out of the kindness of our hearts — a kindness that is not legally binding, nor indicative of any guarantee, warrantee, or jamboree, either explicit or implied — the editors of Cockahoop.com are willing to take a little time to explain to you, the likely source of error, what it is that you almost certainly did wrong.

Not that we expect you'll understand it.

Error sources

• You mistyped the URL
• You misspelled a word in the address of this page
• You're too stupid to know that the last two points describe the same thing, so who knows what other things you screwed up on your way here
• You clicked on a link on another, stupid Web page, and the link was bad
• You followed an old link, but it was on Cockahoop.com, which isn't stupid, but clearly you weren't supposed to click on that link in the first place
• You searched for a naughty word, and that always leads to trouble
• You just have bad luck with technological stuff, possibly due to an abnormally strong magnetic field, or maybe because you're stupid
• You used the wrong browser or operating system
• You're too stupid to know that choice of browser or operating systems would almost never lead you to an error page, so who knows what else you've done wrong
• You're so clever that you can think of a situation in which the use of a particular browser or operating system would lead one to an error page when a different configuration wouldn't, but you're so blinded by your opinion of your own cleverness that you often make really dumb mistakes
• You started typing in random things in the address bar, but you didn't have a good reason, and your heart wasn't in it
• You were looking for some naughty images or really any kind of image, and your mind was so clouded by lust or greed that you did something stupid
• You tried to figure out the address of something at Cockahoop.com by looking at the HTML source, but you weren't clever enough to grasp the subtle interplay of the advanced technologies employed here
• You don't understand how the Web works
• You're using a trackball, and that never leads to anything good
• You were trying to surf the Web in Catalan, which you don't understand
• You are drunk
• You were momentarily distracted by ... well, what is that?
• You're the kind of person who reads all the text on error pages, so clearly you've got something wrong going on in your head; can you really be expected to navigate a Web site properly?
• It's highly unlikely, but maybe we at Cockahoop.com screwed something up by deleting a file or not caring about old URLs that don't work anymore, but we really doubt that's the case