Todd Stadler's blog

real social science

Of late, there has been great upheaval in my social world. My friends are involved in an unprecedented number of relationships.

While normally this would be good, it bothers me from a scientific point of view. You see, my circle of friends has always believed in the conservation of relationships.

There are a fixed number of free-floating romantic structures allocated to us, and as such, when a new relationship forms, an old one ends, or vice versa. It's not pretty, but it's science.

We've observed the effects of this exacting law of love over and over. And yet here we are today with no less than four relationships among those I talk to regularly.

Admittedly, Aaron and Morgan have been dating for longer than mankind has walked the earth, and are even now engaged, but still.

To have Jerry, Hermann, Doug, and I (albeit long-distancially) involved at the same time causes some consternation. Can it all last? And how is it that that great lothario himself, Beeman, isn't involved in all of this? Troubling questions, indeed.

At least until I heard the news today. While I was out of town last week visiting Julia, there was a breakup.

Not a couple that I talk to every day, but I did see them around at parties. Now, I don't want to revel in such a sad event, but I must say I am relieved that the convervation of relationships holds true as a law.

The only thing worse than romantic unhappiness is finding out that the very laws of science - of nature itself - are wrong.

Still, I now live somewhat in fear of this strict law. It will do whatever it must to be sated. We may try to date more people than it will allow, and perhaps for a time it will seem vanquished.

But it will, if necessary, seek out any and all relationships in our proximity and destroy them as need be.

Fear science, my friends, for it is a cold and ruthless killing machine.