Severe weather alert!
Written at: 16:00 16 Nov, 2005
As a native Texan, I am used to the phenomenon of Extreme Weather, as the kids are calling it. Golf-ball-sized hail, tornadoes aplenty, and the occasional hurricane — you name it, it's probably destroying a trailer park somewhere in Texas as we speak.
A fine way to start your day
So it was with some interest that I noticed yesterday that ForecastFox, the Firefox extension that displays current and forecast weather conditions, was warning me of a "Severe Weather Alert".
As weather in Portland is usually docile enough that the occasional lightning strike is considered fodder for the local news, I was shocked. Severe Weather? Here? Could a tsunami be wending all the way up the Columbia River and into the Willamette? Mayhaps some dastardly cold snap was winging its way here from Canada? Did the Republicans finally screw up the weather, too?
Those were a heady few minutes of climatological climax as I pondered the possibilities. But then I accidentally looked outside and noticed that it was sunny, if perhaps brisk, and I forgot all about the potential for Severe Weather.
But! When I saw the exact same Severe Weather warning today on ForecastFox, well! I had no choice but to investigate, hardened-journalist-like, the why behind that annoyingly exclamatory warning in my browser. So I clicked on the icon.
And as soon as the Web page loaded, my eyes filled with dread and I dove under my desk and waited for the klaxons to stop blaring, assuming they would start any second now. For this is what I had read: an "air stagnation advisory" had been declared! Until 4 p.m. Saturday!!
Ahem. Well, you have to understand, in the typography of the National Weather Service, it seemed a lot more exciting at the time, for it was written like this: "AN AIR STAGNATION ADVISORY FOR THE GREATER PORTLAND AND VANCOUVER AREAS ... THE LOWER COLUMBIA RIVER ... WESTERN COLUMBIA RIVER GORGE AND I-5 CORRIDOR REMAINS IN EFFECT".
But the terroriffic words did not end there, no. "AN AIR STAGNATION ADVISORY IS ISSUED WHEN LOCALLY ESTABLISHED CRITICAL VALUES OF TRANSPORT WINDS ... MIXING HEIGHT ... AND VENTILATION ARE EXPECTED TO PERSIST FOR AT LEAST 36 HOURS. THIS PRODUCT REFLECTS METEOROLOGICAL CONDITIONS THAT LEAD TO AIR STAGNATION CONDITIONS ... BUT NOT NECESSARILY TO AIR QUALITY PROBLEMS." Run!!!
And as I dove under my desk, I took a quick glance out the window, and saw, to my utter horror, that the air outside was not moving, er, enough! We're all going to be, um, ... stifled?
Hmm. Anyhow, that was my excitement for the day.
Comments on "Severe weather alert!"
1 comment so far.
LOL I'm still giggling over "Did the Republicans finally screw up the weather, too?" and the sum of 3+8 correctly in order to submit a comment.
I am reassured to know that I am not the only one who was perplexed by the warning for "Air Stagnation" and like you I was warned by Forcast Fox. I do have to admit your response to it was far more eloquant then mine I think mine could be summed up with the initials "WTF" is air staganation?
I too am in Portland,Maine that is. Seems as though "air stagnation" knows no bounds. Have I missed these seemingly "serious alerts" in the past or is this just the Weather Bureau's way of messing with FEMA? :)
Written by: D Mart
Written at: 14:47 19 Jun, 2006