Todd Stadler's blog

Response to investment scam #2, part 1

FROM:ANNA PETER

Greetings!

Hi! Sorry I took so long to get back to you, but I've been completely swamped with business proposals of late! You wouldn't believe how many billions of dollars have been hidden, diverted, stolen, or otherwise misplaced in other countries. And all in the past few months! I have to say, this doesn't give me great confidence as a small-time investor.

I know you will be surprised to read a letter from me, but please consider this as a request from a family in dire need of assistance.

Actually, while I wasn't particularly expecting a letter from you per se, I'm not really surprised that you wrote me. Apparently, and for reasons I can't really figure out, I've become known internationally as something of a financial wizard. Which is odd, since I don't make a lot of money. At least in American terms. Maybe to you people, I'm like a millionaire or something.

But I've come to expect these letters, just as I've come to expect large, unexplained deductions to show up on my bank statements every month. And, as always, I'm willing to help you out.

I am Mrs.ANNA JOHNSON,

Okay, hold on. I'm already confused. Up at the top of the letter, it says that this is from Anna Peter. And your e-mail address is anna_p24@hotmail.com. Is Anna Peter your secretary who's typing and sending this for you? What a coincidence that her name is Anna, too! I know a girl named Anna. Maybe you know her, too! Regardless, hi!

the wife of the late Brigadier Amoke Johnson from Angola.

Oh, my. I'm afraid I'm not really up on my Angolese history, so I don't know about your husband. But I'm sure he is very brave. Well, was very brave, at least.

I am writing to you from Johannesburg, South Africa.

I guess you already know where I'm writing you from. How's Johannesburg? Is it nice this time of year? I guess you guys just started, let's see, spring or something over there, right? That's so weird! Is it true that they have cars over there with built-in flamethrowers, due to the high rate of carjacking? I heard that once.

I got your information from the Johannesburg Chamber of Commerce and Industry, and on behalf of my late husband and my only son Charles I decided to solicit your assistance to transfer the sum of US$15.00 Million (FIFTEEN MILLION United States Dollars)inherited by my late husband into your company or private bank account.

Hmm. I don't remember ever talking to anyone from the Johannesburg Chamber of Commerce. I might have talked to someone from the Jonesboro Chamber of Commerce — I have relatives near there — but that's in Arkansas. No, come to think of it, I never gave anyone there my information, either. Weird.

Before the death of my husband, he was a brigadier in charge of arms and ammunition procurement for the Angolan Army. In his will, he specifically drew my attention to the sum of US$15.00 Million, which he had deposited, in a safe box of a Security Company in Johannesburg, South Africa. In fact, he said and I quote: "my dear, I wish to draw your attention to the sum of US$15.00 Million. I deposited the said box containing the fund in a Security Company in Johannesburg, South Africa."

Wow, that's uncanny. Your summary of what he said in the will practically echoes your quote (presumably from the will). You must have a really good memory or something.

If there was fifteen million dollars ($15,000,000) lying around in the will of a friend of mine, I wouldn't need anybody to point it out to me. My eyes would focus on that part like a laser beam. But then, I'm a little bit more concerned with money these days, what with the economy.

I guess with all the money floating around unclaimed in that part of the world, people can overlook such things.

"During the war, I was very dedicated and committed to wining the war against the rebels until when I found out that some senior army officers and government functionaries were busy helping themselves with government fund and properties, sending them to foreign countries.

Did your (now-dead) husband and you not talk a lot? I'm just wondering, because he had to point out that he was dedicated to winning the war. I guess I kind of thought you would have already known that. Maybe you thought it was none of your business. It's certainly none of mine, and I don't mean to pry.

But I know what you mean about government officials helping themselves to funds and such, including the part about sending money to foreign countries. We have all kinds of problems with that over here.

In fact, we could probably use your help in dealing with it after I help you with your problem. A little "I scratch your back, you scratch mine", which is a metaphor, of course. My back doesn't really itch. Well, maybe a little.

But maybe after I help you out with your money, you could come over here and round up all our politicians and, I don't know, teach them about fiscal responsibility or something. You could lock them in a room until they come out with a balance budget, or maybe play Monopoly with them and then at the end reveal that it's not just a fun game, it's a metaphor for the ruthless cruelty of an unregulated free-market system. Something like that.

"Due to this, when I and former special adviser to the president were assigned by the president (Jose Edwardo Santo) to purchase arms in South Africa, we saw this as an opportunity to divert the money for our personal use. When we divided the money, my share was US15.00 Million. I did this in case of my absence due to death so that you, johnson, your two sisters and your mother wouldn't suffer. You should solicit for assistance of a reliable and sincere foreign partner to assist you to transfer this money out of South Africa for investment. I deposited the box in your name and you alone with the deposit code can claim it. Your mother is with all the documents; take good care of your mother and your two sisters. Do not disappoint me. Good bye!"

Okay, you don't have to tell me the whole history here. Just the facts, as it were.

Anyhow, your husband sounds very sly, although it's kind of a good thing he's dead, you know? By which I mean that it's a good thing he's not around now that we've got the money, because as clever a guy as he appears to have been could have easily found a way to dupe us out of all this money. I didn't mean to imply I'm glad your husband's dead, though. Sorry.

One question: The president of South Africa is "Jose Edwardo Santo"? Or the president of Angola? Are you sure you're not thinking of Andorra? I wanted to travel to Andorra once, because it's so small, but then I found out it's mostly a shopping haven for Spanish and French people, but otherwise a fairly boring place.

Another thing. "Your mother is with all the documents"? She's not in the safe deposit box, is she? If so, I'm really sorry I took so long to get back to you, as it may be too late for her. Most of those boxes are fireproof and, as such, not terribly well ventilated. I hope she's not dead, too. Honestly.

From this word of my late husband, you will understand that the lives and future of my family depend on this fund such I will be grateful if you can assist us. Now what I want you to do for us as an international partner is to help us clear this from the Security Company using your name as the beneficiary of the fund.

Yeah, yeah. I know how this stuff works. I'm not some neophyte would-be accountant, as you know, or you wouldn't have e-mailed me.

You can contact my son ( Johnson Peter) on this telephone number +27-7334-13436 for more details.

Um, your son's name is Johnson Peter? Remind me to tell you sometime why that's funny in America. But in addition to being humorous, that's confusing. Your name is Anna Johnson (or maybe Anna Peter). But your son's name is Johnson Peter. So, if I understand this correctly, children are named by combining the two different last names of their mother? Is this just an Angolan thing? We really should chat sometime about naming conventions over there. Ours in America are so boring in comparison.

We have agreed to give you 20% of the +total sum for your assistance and 5% for the expenses that might be incurred in the course of the transfer and the remaining 75% for the family's investment abroad which you will also assist us to materialize. Further information and discussion about this transaction will commence as soon as you give us the assurance and confidence that this money will be safe when transferred to your account and please treat this matter with urgency and confidentiality.

I have a pretty good idea on how to invest the money. I know this other lady I'm doing some business with who's going to die soon. We could invest the fifteen million by buying an equivalent amount of life insurance policies on her, because who'd expect her to die soon, right? And then when she keels over, we'll be truly rich! Let me know what you think about this plan.

I put my faith in you, wishing you now and always God’s choicest blessings.

Thanks
Many regards,
Mrs. ANNA PETER