Todd Stadler's blog

Response to investment scam #1, part 1

Hello,

I just got your e-mail and was very glad to hear from you. My response is interwoven with your original e-mail, below.

I am the above named person from HOLLAND. I am Married to Dr.MARK BROWN who worked with THAILAND Embassy in ASIA for nine years before he Died in the year 2001.

I'm a bit confused already. Perhaps I would understand things better if I'd ever met you, but I don't think I have. Come to think of it, I'm not sure how you got my e-mail address. Probably friend-of-a-friend or something like that. Ah well, never mind.

Anyhow, you say you're married to this doctor, but that he is dead. In our country, that usually means that you're not married to him anymore. It's always interesting to read how other cultures deal with death.

So you say your former husband (well, in America, he'd be your former husband; perhaps in Holland, you'd say he still is your husband; international relations can be tricky) worked with the Thailand embassy in Asia? But you're from Holland? Where in Asia? Wouldn't the Thai embassy be in Holland? Or was it the Thai embassy to a completely unrelated Asian country? I'm sorry, but you'll have to help me out here if I'm to understand your predicament.

Also, why do you keep capitalizing CERTAIN KEY WORDS? Is your shift key sticking? Just wondering.

We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Interesting. How long were you married with a child? And what was the brief illness? I mean, sure, I'd like to get to know you better, but I can't understand why you think it's important that I know his illness lasted only four days, but won't tell me what the illness was. I mean, was it ebola, or the Hantavirus? Is it something I should worry about? Was it a computer virus of some sort?

Before his death we were Muslims. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.

Again, not to be mean, but you're being a bit picky with the details. You used to be Muslims. Okay. Now you're a believer in the Bible. Did, you know, anything interesting happen to precipitate that change? Anything you want to talk about? And what does it mean to "get a child outside [your] matrimonial home"? By "get" do you mean to "buy" a child? Or to kidnap one? And is it okay to do these things inside the home, or in a different home altogether, perhaps the patrimonial one? Perhaps this is a Dutch law or ethic that I just don't understand.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $27.6Million (twenty-seven Million six hundred thousand U.S. Dollars) in a finance/security company in AMERICA Presently, this money is still with the Security Company.

Wow! That's a lot of money! How did he get it? Was it through working at his job at the embassy? Or, and I hesitate to even ask this, did he get it through some nefarious dealings? I mean, either way, I'm fully committed to helping you out. But I just wanted a little background information, you know? Oh, and what's the name of the company?

Heck, for that matter, I'm not really too smart when it comes to finances. What is a security company, really? How would I get the money from it? Is there some way to make it easier to get this money? I could give you my bank account number, or maybe you could credit it on to one of my credit cards. I can give you all these numbers if you need.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to cancer Problem.

Wow, more bad luck! Bummer. I'm sorry. What kind of cancer? If, that is, you don't mind my asking.

Though what disturbs me most is my stroke.

I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're referring to. Did you have a stroke or something? Just now? Or is this a reference to your golf game? I'm not a golf player, but I've talked to some people who are, and they get really obsessive over their swing, you know? Slices and hooks and all that. I'm not very good at golf, even mini golf. Do they have that in Holland?

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to charitable organization or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. i need someone that can travel to the security company and collect the money ,

Wow, that's nice. Why do you favor individuals over charities? I could help set you up with a charity, if you'd like that. They'd probably be better with the whole money thing than I am. I mean, I'll still try and help you however I can, but I'm not sure I'm the best guy for this. I don't even know where this company is located. But I do have a car. Let me know if you need to know the VIN numbers of my car or anything.

I want an organization or individual that will use this to fund churches, orphanages and Widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the House of God is maintained. The Bible made us to Understand that blessed is the hand that grivet.

I'm not familiar with that last reference. I don't think the word "grivet" appears in our Bible over here. Say, you're not Mormon, are you? Maybe it's just a Dutch thing, again.

Anyhow, I'm a Christian, too, and I agree that using this money for Christian purposes is a good idea. I guess you already knew I was a Christian, though. How'd you find that out? I mean, it's mentioned on various Web pages, but you sent this e-mail to my work address, and nothing on my work's Web site mentions my faith. That's some Web sleuthing you're doing!

Unless ... say, you don't practice voodoo, do you? Because I don't think it would be a very Christian thing to use voodoo to find the e-mail addresses of Christians so you can donate money to build churches. Ends not justifying means and all that.

I took this decision because I don t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don t want my husband shard earned money to be misused by unbelievers.

Now, far be it from me to tell you how to live what little is left of your life, but I don't think it would be wrong to give some of that money to your husband's relatives. I mean, even if they're Muslims and all, they're still his family. Assuming they haven't all died from some fast-killing disease yet, of course. But they could use the money for food and housing, and that's not so bad. You might even win them over to Christianity by showing how loving you are. And I'm not even saying you need to give all or even most of the money to them. It's your call, of course. But maybe just a million dollars to his family? I just don't want to get involved in some sort of family spat, you know, getting angry Dutch phone calls in the middle of the night. I don't even speak Dutch. Or Muslim.

I dont want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this Bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know Where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the Bosom of the Lord.

I'm glad that you know you're truly saved. So many people fake being Christians — even fooling themselves, sometimes — just to please other people. But they'll be the fooled ones, come judgment day! They'll end up in hell, along with all the other liars, decievers, thieves, and other evildoers who don't accept Christ's free forgiveness. But you already knew that.

Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my Case and I shall hold my peace.

Huh. In our Bible over here, it says, "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Again, it's funny to see how foreign people talk. I'm not really sure why you brought up that verse, by the way.

I don t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health, and because of the presence of my husband s relatives Around me always. I don t want them to know about this Development.

Well, you didn't actually give me your telephone number, so I guess I couldn't have called you anyhow! Let me know if you need my telephone number to call me to confirm any details, though. Or, for that matter, my social security number, or mother's maiden name, or whatever.

By the way, your husband's relatives don't surf the Web, do they? Because I'm thinking of posting this response to my Web page, and I don't want them to see it. So if you see them using the computer and think they might be about to read about our business plan, yell something like, "Turn off the computer! Tigers!" or, "I sense the presence of a computer virus!" and then maybe kick the computer to add urgency to your exclamation.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the Contact of the Finance/Security Company. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the original- beneficiary of this Fund.

Okay. I'm ready. I don't know what all that stuff in the last sentence means, but go ahead, anyway.

I want you and the church to always pray for me Because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your Life.

Um, not to be mean or anything, but you're kind of getting preachy. One second it's all business. Then you throw a bunch of platitudes at me. You already know I'm going to help you; there's no need to preach to the converted.

That said, do we really have to pray for you "always"? I mean, I'll pray for you for the next few months, until you die, but after that, there's not really much point, is there? Also, before you die, I think someone should point out to you that the whole point of Christianity is that, when we die, we shouldn't take pride in what we ourselves have done, but what God did for us through Christ. Merely living a good life won't do you much good when God demands perfection. I would have thought you would have figured that out from reading the Bible. But maybe the Dutch version is different.

Any delay in your reply will give me room in souring for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will at accordingly as I stated herein. Hoping to hear from you.

"Room in souring"? We don't have that idiom over here. But hey, no need to look for anyone else — I'm your man! Let me know how to help out, okay?

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,
MRS MALDALEN BROWN