Todd Stadler's blog

code mauve!

Things keep getting dumber: our leaders are already debating altering the recently implemented terror threat alert system.

Is it because they realized they got the rainbow order wrong and that blue should indicate the lowest threat level, not green?

No. According to CNN, "the current discussion was prompted by the belief ... that if the U.S. takes military action against Iraq the threat level should be raised above orange to indicate an even greater risk of retaliation ... But there is fear that raising the risk to the ultimate warning level would do serious harm to an already-shaky economy, the sources said."

Gosh, we wouldn't want people to know what sort of danger they're in if it makes the economy go sour, would we?

We wouldn't want to actually use the system as it was designed if it means people might be scared of the terrorist threats the system was designed to alert them to, right?

I mean, think of the economy! Would someone please think of the economy?!

But I'm not panicking. I know that any increased threats of terrorism merely stem from our actions in Iraq which are meant to make Americans safer from the threat of terrorism, and that, at the very least, this circular logic will form a magical umbrella over the heads of those who use it, protecting them from any form of evil.

Besides, I know that the Homeland Security advisory system isn't some sort of call to worry about how some terrorist sleeper cell living next door is going to kill you.

It's a call to be more prepared for the reality that terrorists have been living next door all along, and maybe to be more suspicious of foreigners or people who might appear foreign in some way. And also to wear your aluminum hat more frequently.

But seriously, I for one welcome the elevation of our threat level to code red. There's a lot of things I've been meaning to do, such as running around naked in the streets and screaming that the world has gone bat-freaking insane, that I don't think are warranted at code orange and below.

Still, if we're going to add another color, it doesn't make sense to add it between orange and red. No. We should add another warning level on top of red. It could be for a "mega severe" threat condition. And it would be code infrared.

Think about it. It's not red. You see, most countries, during a war will be at code red. And they're all the way up there, and where can they go from there?

Nowhere, exactly. But if you need that extra homeland security, you know what America can do? We can go to code infrared.

Some people from other countries might ask why not just make code red that much more severe and make it the top security alert. But I think they're just jealous of our alert system.

Ours goes to infrared.