Todd Stadler's blog

sing a song of business

If, as I predict, corporations will eventually become the true units of statehood in this world, then maybe you should take the time to listen to the national anthems of the future.

No stodgy bombastic marches these, the anthems of the next millenium (wait, no, this millenium) embody everything you love about music - synthesized bongos, forced soulful crooning, and use of phrases like "vision of global strategy".

No, really. Perhaps the best example of these qualities is KPMG's song entitled "Our Vision of Global Strategy" (MP3 format). If the title alone doesn't inspire to buy, um, whatever it is that they're selling, then how about the following verse which demonstrates a clear mastery of internal rhyme:

We create, we innovate
We pass the ones that are late.
A global team, this is our dream of success that we create.
We'll be number one, with effort and fun
Together each of us will run
For gold that shines like the sun in our eyes

I know, I know - goosebumps, right? Just wait until you hear the key change, my friend.

And if that doesn't do it for you, there is an unofficial jungle version.

But lest you fear that our corporate overlords will force their bland musical tastes on us much as they have their bland products, take a listen to McKinsey & Company's song,"McKC" (MP3 format), which is reminiscent of Indian film music, including the inability of the singer to prounounce w's.

Of course, it's not just the rap break or those hot! hot! hot! horns that endears this tune, and therefore whatever is being sold here, to the listener. There are also lyrics that seem to say "There are seals there, everywhere / But stop shall we not" and "M C K C is the place to be / The team is great, one goddess - C". Wack MC, indeed. Still, it beats talk of leveraging synergies.

Not to be outdone, PriceWaterhouseCoopers shows their diversity with two distinct entries, one of which, "Your World" (MP3 format), apparently features the people who sang the Family Ties theme song.

But far more impressive is their late-80's Lisa-Lisa-inspired "Downright Global" (MP3 format), with singers that were undoubtedly given the directions to be "urban, but not too urban".

However, the lyrics, which also manage to use the words "imagination" and "STCI1" (whatever that is) in the same song, ultimately prove that this ditty was ripped off from a local community college TV ad, with such lines as "Continuing your education is our recommendation" left intact.

Other notables include Ericsson's acronym-laden smolderer, "Network Intelligence", which offers the following advice on fatalism and telephony:

Now don't you wonder why
Some people never cry
They trust in fate
In their premium rate

Finally, there's my favorite, Deutsche Bank's "Global technology" (MP3 format) (okay, okay, you're all very global, fine), which is actually either an old Marines TV ad theme, the lost Top Gun soundtrack song, the closing tune to a mid-80's Broadway show about Wall Street, or some permutation thereof. I find it rather compelling, really. I hope they pipe it into every cubicle at key times each day. That would really get me going.

Actually, in doing the, er, research necessary to write this article, I found myself (and my roommates, who didn't know what they were being exposed to) humming these corporate ditties. Just because they're shmaltzy doesn't mean they're not catchy, I suppose.

At the very least, they're all leagues better than that horrid, horrid patchwork of sounds that is that stupid "spin, spin, spin the globe" song. Ugh.