Todd Stadler's blog

a cynic reads cnn

I was feeling rather snippy when I read an article on CNN.com last week concerning Bush's speech on Osama, Iraq, and what-not. So naturally, I decided to take out my snippiness on you, dear reader.

(The quotes from the CNN article were taken from sometime last week, and the article linked to above may now read differently.)

WASHINGTON (CNN) ... During his first formal news conference of the year, Bush said he is committed to modernizing the U.S. nuclear arsenal while reducing the number of nuclear warheads.

Pointing to a nuclear weapon on the table in front of him, Bush noted that aging weapons such as this could destroy at most several hundred thousand people, and would be difficult to fit into a backpack. He asked Americans if they could live in a world where all of humanity could not be destroyed in less than five minutes, the amount of time it would take to destroy the earth using existing weapons.

But he said the key word of the U.S. nuclear policy is deterrence. "We've got all our options on the table because we want to make it very clear to nations that you will not threaten the United States or use weapons of mass destruction against us or our allies or friends," said Bush.

That sort of action is reserved solely for America, he said, noting once again that Iraq would see regime change in the next year, hopefully aided by powerful "Daisy Cutter" bombs "or a special surprise".

Bush also said he is "deeply concerned about Iraq and so should the American people" because that country is run by Saddam Hussein, a man who killed his own people with chemical weapons.

America, Bush noted, prefers mainly to kill people from other countries, preferably evil ones. When it does kill its own people, it does so slowly and surreptitiously, and apologizes for it decades later, something Hussein has yet to do. "Saddam also has an evil-looking mustache", Bush noted.

Bush said Hussein must have something to hide, otherwise he would allow international inspectors into his country to verify Baghdad is not building weapons of mass destruction.

Bush hastened to add that such logic did not apply to revealing the members of the vice president's committee on energy, which was a matter of principle, and not a case of having anything to hide. "We would love to tell you what companies bought a piece of our energy policy, but we don't want that information falling into the hands of evildoers," said Bush.

"[Hussein] is a problem, and we're going to deal with him. The first stage is to consult with our allies and friends, and that's exactly what we're doing," Bush said, pointing out that Vice President Dick Cheney is in the region this week for that purpose.

"As we talk, Dick is telling Tony [Blair] the exact words to say when he speaks to the British public later on this week," added Bush.

By contrast, Bush downplayed concern on the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden, saying the accused terrorist mastermind is on the run and "I truly am not that concerned about him."

When asked to confirm that Osama was the pretext under which we initially invaded Afghanistan, Bush became agitated and fired back that "we have created goodness - isn't that enough?". He then questioned the "lack-of-evil-ness" of anyone who would ask such a question, adding that "evil is bad".

Bush said that U.S. forces are "performing brilliantly" in rooting out bin Laden's al Qaeda fighters in Afghanistan. "We are at war to keep the peace," Bush said, comparing the war on terrorism to World War II.

"We have always been at war to keep the peace, and as long as Oceania, er Osama bin Laden makes unpeace, we will double plus destroy his minions," Bush promised.

On the escalating violence in the Middle East, ... Bush criticized Israel for its military reaction to terrorist attacks.

"A military reaction to terrorism can only lead to further terrorism, and therefore escalating military reactions," he said. "This leads to pointless bloodshed. Unless, of course, you're America. In that case, military reaction is the only proper reaction, and the terrorists will be stunned into disbanding."

"Frankly, it's not helpful what the Israelis have recently done in order to create conditions for peace. I understand someone trying to defend themselves and to fight terror, but the recent actions aren't helpful."

Bush added, "By that, I mean their actions, not America's. Our actions have been double plus helpful."

On domestic issues, Bush accused a few senators of "standing in the way of justice" for blocking the confirmation of his judicial nominees.

When asked to clarify the term "justice", Bush waved his hands and said that if Americans elected him president, then his will must be their will, and since he is against evil, those opposing his will must clearly be evil. Bush then threatened to nuke anyone who asked another question.

He pointed out that the Senate Judiciary Committee is scheduled to vote Thursday on the nomination of Charles Pickering to the United States Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit. ... The president said lawmakers were ignoring their constitutional obligation to confirm nominees in a timely fashion and were turning the process into "ideological battles that delay justice and hurt our democracy."

"I hate ideological battles", said Bush, "and so I urge my fellow politicians to end bipartisan bickering once and for all and fall in line behind me. Now!" Bush then adopted a very serious glare and started counting, hands planted on hips. "One, two, three..."

... Bush said those senators who would block the full Senate vote were seeking to "undermine the nominations of candidates who agree with my philosophy that judges should interpret the law, not try to make law from the bench."

"This is plainly unfair", said Bush. "They are, in effect, checking my power and keeping it in balance. I am trying to remake this government in my own image, and they won't let me." Bush added that the framers of the Constitution would have agreed with him, since they were firmly opposed to evil.