you are invited
Written at: 11:49 14 Mar, 2002
Me and my housemates (collectively, albeit uninspiredly referred to as "the pink house" for reasons I will leave to your imagination) are throwing a party this Saturday for St. Patrick's Day.
As always, the Cock-a-hoop reading public is invited to attend, provided that they already know where I live, as I'm not giving out my address on the internet.
Of course, those super-sneaky sleuths out there should have no trouble figuring out where I live. That's the power of this privacy sinkhole we call the internet.
But for the rest of you, you can at least read the official invitation to the party, written by Yours Truly (which is the pen name I use). It's the next best thing to being there, although it's a pretty poor runner-up, I must say.
Ah, Ireland.
That famous Emerald Isle. Famous for its plucky musical groups with big sunglasses and bigger hearts, and a little-known little man named St. Patrick.
Yes, St. Patrick, born in 1956 to a pair of itinerant farm workers who would later go on to form the rhythm section of the Proclaimers. "St.", as his friends called him, was a quirky fellow.
For instance, he loved the color green - so much so that he painted every plant in Ireland that color. And that's why today all the plants in Ireland are green. It's a fact!
He also hated snakes. This hatred caused him to invent an industrial grade snake poison and to spray it on Ireland's crops using an old cropduster. The poison was ineffectual on snakes, but turned out to be a top-notch herbicide. This eventually led to the Great Irish Potato Famine.
But most of all, St. Patrick loved his beer. He loved it so much that he drank it. And then he was lonely without his love around, so he ordered another beer. And he loved that beer even more - and so desired to drink it as well. This continued on for several hours, until St. Patrick invented drunkenness.
Yes, he brought a lot into this world. And this Saturday, March 16th, St. Patrick's Day, we celebrate all that this obscure man did. Come celebrate beer, greenness, and a generous lack of snakes with us, at the pink house (which looks green, if you're colorblind).
Ah, St. Patrick. If you're not Catholic, you may not have heard of him. And if you're not Catholic, you're not bloody welcome at our party. Ha ha, just kidding. That's an old Irish joke.
As you can tell, we at the pink house love humor and revisionist history almost as much as we love friends and loud music, or chocolate and peanut butter. Why not come celebrate with us?
But bring your own chocolate and peanut butter.
Comments on "you are invited"
1 comment so far.
Hey, funny invite! But don't you think something like this would have been better?
Many of you know something of our friend St. Patrick, but few of you know enough. St. was born in Ireland in 1956, to mom and dad Patrick, a surly pair of itinerant farm workers. Growing up, St. was a troubled youth who struggled in school, and was referred to by his teachers as "dumb as s***". His family was poor, often leaving St. with nothing to eat but Irish whiskey.
One evening, at age 11, St. found himself particularly hungry and started on dinner. After 2 or 3 pints, St. began to find that he felt more assertive, better looking, and infinitely more clever. Still later, he became downright charming and indestructible, such that no woman in this spinning room could deny him, nor man subdue him. On this night, St. gave the world his greatest gift, he invented drunkenness!
Next weekend will come that time of year to celebrate our beloved St. Patrick, patron saint of liquor, drunkenness, and leprechauns. So we at the pink house will be celebrating, providing lots of liquor and leprechauns, all you need to provide is the drunkenness (and maybe more drinks). Come by next Saturday (that's 3/16, 9ish), to drink, hang out, dance, and drink. Hooty hoo!
...just an idea...
Written by: anonymous
Written at: 14:48 28 Mar, 2002