Todd Stadler's blog

partially defatted fatty tissue, part 1

I recently received two spam e-mails recently that I rather enjoyed. That doesn't mean that spamming isn't, as George Bush would put it, evil. But it has its entertaining moments.

For instance, there is the first e-mail, which tells me of a most interesting web site, KidnappingMadeDifficult.com. Let me say, first of all, that this is not, as it may appear, a site that teaches potential kidnappers how to kidnap. That would be this site.

No, this site is in fact written by a man with a broken shift key and a mission. But it's more than that. It's also difficult to understand.

And irrefutable. I base this on the following sentence found on the main page: "THE KNOWLEDGE CONTAINED IN KIDNAPPING MADE DIFFICULT IS IRREFUTABLE."

Apparently, the aim of this web site is to convince parents to "BE DIFFERENT" by prioritizing their "CHILD'S SAFETY WHILE THEY'RE ALIVE AND IN [their] PRESENCE." If I understand correctly, it aims to do this by convincing parents that they should order background checks on people their child interacts with - especially those they least suspect!

It also happens to sell a book. It is a book like no other, as it is "the one and only kidnapping prevention and elimination Ebook written to date".

But this is not another dry didactic book about kidnapping prevention - no! As the web site itself says, "YOU WILL LAUGH, CRY AND TAKE OFFENSE TO SOME OF THE CONTENT". So thank goodness for that.

Not convinced? Here is a fact to consider from the section labelled "FACTS TO CONSIDER": "CHILD SAFETY ORGANIZATIONS & LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES HAVE NEVER BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE A DEAD CHILD".

If the caps lock nature of that sentence alone does not sway you, remember that "Children daily are being ... found dead in the bushes".

Perhaps you find yourself convinced of the material's non-looniness, but cannot help wonder about the author. Who is he? What drives him?

Relax, my friend. The author "has emphasized an alternative lifestyle for himself and his children". "The concept of passive action is non-existent in his world"! He "has always prioritized ... distilled water." Clearly, he is a reliable friend.

So I urge you to go out and buy this book for all your friends for Christmas. I know I am buying it for mine. And I assure you that I make no money from your purchase.

I leave you with these words of the author: "screw the bull"!