Todd Stadler's blog

my clever friends

I like going to parties as much as the next guy. But I have to say that I most enjoy going to parties whose invitations have subtle political/cultural humor in them. Witness the following e-mail from my friend Jerry:

Consumer confidence is at a ten year low. Our nation is desperately trying to pull itself out of these despondent times, and the only way up is to CONSUME!

Buck up!! What better way to stick it to the terrorists than to down a few glasses of fine wine? A party is the equation to success!

1. PURCHASE any red wine.
2. CONSUME said red wine.
3. EAT fine food.
4. Feel CONFIDENT in your new found PURCHASE/CONSUME state.

I'm just the enabler here... and I need your help! I implore you to join me for the first annual Holiday CONSUME party. The best way to endure freedom this holiday season is to CONSUME! Come on over to my house on Saturday, December 8, after PURCHASING any red wine - Merlot, Cabernet, Zinfandel, anything! Then, we can all CONSUME wine and CONSUME food until we have no more room for CONSUMING!

Mind you, once the ha-ha's get going, it's hard to stop:

Dearest Jeremy,

So there I was sitting at home, wondering "what can I do in these uncertain times to fight evil and those who evildo?" when I got your e-mail. Well, of course I was ecstatic! Here was a chance to enjoy my friends socially and yet also slap Osama bin Laden in the face - literally!

We'd be just like the Whos in Who-ville, we would stun Osama's Grinch by singing and having fun (and also by repeatedly bombing his adopted homeland with the largest conventional bombs made). For Osama wants nothing more than for us to have a bad time; therefore, having a good time is defeating the enemy. Brilliant!

However, I also must say I was mildly disappointed to find out that this party was not to be a CONSOMME party as I originally thought. Nothing pleases the pallet more than a nice clear soup made from well-seasoned stock. But as there was to be drinking of some sort, I let the thought pass.

Ah, well. I suppose you are doing the best you can. Although I cannot help but wonder if the economy would be more well-served by an SUV-tasting party, in which everyone buys and brings said type of vehicle. However, unemployed as I am, I will likely enjoy the wine-tasting kind of party more, as it is easier on the pocketbook and also serves to relieve me of my financial and emotional headaches, if only for one evening.

Yours Truly, Todd

And how:

Dear Sir,

I understand your plight with unfulfilled expectations. Why, just today I was all ready to read a juicy article about gorilla chefs in Columbia when, to my dismay, I realized the headline was instead "Columbian Guerilla Chief Invites President to Peace Talks".

Of course, I found it a little odd that this article wasn't featured in Food Day, but the Oregonian is a wacky bunch of lads always thinking outside of the box, so you never know, right?

Anywho, just for you, I may make some SUV CONSOMME for the party. I just got this great blender I've been wanting to try out.

Sincerely, Jeremy

I like friends.