Todd Stadler's blog

the beer fairy

Apparently after I took part in the french fry taste test, I was signed up on the "consumer opinion phone list", because I was recently asked to participate in a beer opinion survey.

You don't have to ask me twice.

Well, actually, you do. The first time they called me, they asked me several questions to see if I fit the profile they were seeking. Yes, I was over 21. Yes, I drank beer regularly. But when they asked me what kind of beer I usually drank, I was stumped.

When I was employed, I often enjoyed a nice microbrew. But as a poorer man, I now find that I also enjoy such fine fare as Pabst Blue Ribbon ("it wouldn't have a blue ribbon on it if it weren't so fine"), and I enjoy it much more cheaply. I also enjoy imported beers and even the odd malt liquor.

So I answered that maybe I drank "regular, full-calorie" beers the most. I was told I didn't qualify.

I was crushed. Here I was given the opportunity to not only enjoy free beer, but to get paid for it, and I messed it up. Opportunity knocks but once, but the beer fairy is more forgiving.

Less than a week later, I got a call from the same people. Did I want to participate in a beer survey? Um, yes. They asked me the same questions, but when they asked what kind of beer I usually drank, I replied that maybe "microbrews" were my favorite. They kept asking me questions. I had cleared Level 1.

However, I almost didn't make it past Level 2. The lady asked me how many glasses of beer I drank in the average week. Again thinking of my current economic situation, I replied that I might guess two.

Again proving the loving nature of the beer fairy, the lady asked me to "think really hard" and again asked me how many beers I drank in an average week. So I thought harder. I thought about the weeks after our Halloween party when there was a lot of quality beer left over in the fridge. My extra cognition made me think that sometimes I could have five beers in a week. This seemed to please the lady.

It pleased her so much that she offered to have me come in over two different days and drink beer in exchange for $75. The beer fairy is generous.

I wish I could say that the actual tasting lived up to my expectations for it. After all, I was drinking free beer and getting paid.

But drinking is - or ought to be - a social experience. A reason to chat with your friends. And I am not usually friends with people who have nothing better to do than go to a mall at 4:30pm and drink beer. Where were the hipsters, the beautiful women, and the like? They were still at work.

As it was, I only consumed about forty ounces of beer (and ten saltines) over the two days. But that's not what's important. Earning $75 and further increasing my knowledge of the paid opinion survey - that's important.

Now if only they were doing a bacon taste test...