Todd Stadler's blog

Home, pensive for the holidays

I'm at home in Richardson, TX this week.

I find myself increasingly aware of two paths in my life, two sides to me. One side gets amazingly short shrift, time and energy-wise, it would seem. That's the side that thinks about my parents, shows them love, and thinks of others. It's the side that gives of myself. The one that thinks of God and tries to please him by doing good. It's the side I put forth when I'm at home, but not the side I feel is the "real me" maybe. I mean, it is, but I spend so much time on the other side...

Which isn't, as you might expect, the evil side, as such. It's the side where I think about myself a lot, what I want. I work on my projects. It's just a selfish side. One that gets angry more than it should. And doesn't think much about others, except what they can give me. It's amazing I get along in life living so much on that side. And that anyone likes me.

This whole trip has made me start to think that I need to rearrange my priorities. I've done this before, deciding to spend less time socializing and more time working on my projects. But it's glaringly obvious that there are even more important things. But they're really tricky things. Things without a good payoff. Like spending time with potentially annoying people, or at least those who are not as interesting or fun. Helping out at church. Doing stuff for other people. I mean, this stuff should be done. But something about being a young single person has put me in the mind to avoid this, and not too many people have questioned that. So where do I find time for it all, then? I don't know. Maybe I don't.

It's been good being home, though. I forgot how important my parents are. I'm really wondering for the first time what it means to be so far from them. I've heard several times at church how happy my mom is to have me home. I never realized it was such a big deal. It seemed like such a duty thing to come home. I kind of forgot what it meant to them.

We have a really nice family - I'm blessed beyond comprehension to have a family so gifted spiritually, financially, with talents and love to spare. And yet, I sometimes think, maybe being the only child with no siblings to put things into perspective, I don't know what family means so much. It's a burden, but it's more than that, of course.

Women. God. Parents. Love. People. Church. Home. Priorities. Wow. Not in that order.