with high-octane petroleum for all
Written at:
01:29 22 Apr, 2002 permalink
The mental energy needed to convince myself that my government cares more about democracy than oil supplies is now to the level of inducing schizophrenia.
Sure, I'm as cynical as the next young adult, and I know that American democracy is essentially a sham, with our national policies dictated by powerful industries (free registration required).
But can't the Bush administration just admit that democracy isn't important to us in the rest of the world, either?
I am most recently aggrieved by the Bush's reaction to the coup in Venezuela, in which democratically elected Hugo Chávez was tossed out by military and corporate foes, while Washington twiddled its thumbs (free registration required).
Was Venezuela's democracy not up to snuff? To be sure, it was far from perfect. In fact, Chávez had recently attempted to gain more control over the state-run oil industry by appointing leaders loyal to him and his policy of keeping oil prices high.
I'd like to believe it was such heavy-handedness and not his oil policy that convinced those in the White House that Chávez was better off ousted. But such ambivalence in the face of a coup is still indefensible from a government that champions democracy all over the world.
It doesn't help that a Bush official, when asked if the administration now considers Chávez the legitimate leader of Venezuela, responded that "Legitimacy is something that is conferred not just by a majority of the voters" (free registration required), a fact that George W. knows all too well.
Just as confusing is Bush's attitude towards Iraq. The latest rhetoric, of course, is that Iraq is evil. So evil that it appears we may go to war in the next year to oust the mother of all evil, Saddam Hussein.
And how does one treat such an evil empire? Why, one makes it the sixth largest seller of oil to one's nation. Surely, that will teach the nation not to evil-do anymore.
One might argue that these oil purchases are done as part of the U.N. food-for-oil program, which theoretically guarantees that any money Iraq takes in goes towards the people of Iraq, not its militarization.
But if such ends are okay, why do we still maintain embargoes on Cuba, whose citizens could use some American economic help? Is the answer the obvious fact that Cuba has no significant oil reserves that would have us turn a blind eye to its totalitarian regime?
Golly, next someone will tell me that the whole war in Afghanistan is being fought to make Afghanistan safe for oil interests.
So not only does driving a car pollute the atmosphere, contribute to poorer human interaction, increase urban sprawl, and lessen the pitiful amount of exercise many Americans get, but it also spurs our government on to war all over the globe.
What is a peace-loving person to do? Try consuming less fuel, for one. Keep in mind, of course, that you increase fuel consumption not only when you drive, but when you encourage others to drive.
The food we buy has a significant impact in this area. One study showed the average distance produce travelled by truck to Chicago was over 1500 miles. Purchasing more local products would significantly decrease that average, thereby saving millions of gallons of oil each year.
But is that enough? As there remains text in this screed, the answer is clearly "no".
It's all good and well to make suggestions on how I would like things to be, but I haven't really done my Gen-X job until I've made a poster or sticker. And not just any sticker, but a snippy parody of an existing one.
Therefore I present the "United we drive!" sticker/poster. The object of my sarcasm is a similar sticker with a regular American flag and the words "United we stand!", for those who haven't seen it. A fine sentiment, that, although I highly doubt that Americans are united behind much of anything, really, if the last presidential election is any clue.
However, we do love to drive, and if there's one thing that could be said to unite us as a nation, it's our highways bristling with gleaming alloy cars.
Which, of course, is ultimately the reason we find ourselves in so many conflicts in which we must stand united, causing us to put stickers announcing our unitedness on the cars that use the oil that is the source of the friction. Round and round.
A PDF of the image is available here, should you want to print it out. If you print it on adhesive-backed paper, you can make a bumper sticker version to put on your car.
And really, isn't that what democracy is ultimately about?
they call me the contract-working man
Written at:
19:20 18 Apr, 2002 permalink
Yesterday was the first time I worked outside my house since I left Intel.
My roommate's sister's company needed some people to come in for a few weeks to update their mailing list database. Which means I'm spending the next several days doing data entry. But it also means I'm getting paid. And right now money is worth more to me than time.
I'm interested to see how much of this brainless work I can put up with. My increasing desperation has led me to seek and apply for jobs that don't require a lot of intelligence or skill. I think such jobs really might not be so bad, as long as they allow me enough non-work time to do the things I love.
Of course, my engineering background (and, in particular, a job in which I earned more than twice what these low-level jobs pay) instantly marks me as "overqualified" to any hiring manager, which is a bit unfair, really. I honestly believe that if the work is interesting enough and the money pays the bills, I don't care what I'm doing, whether it's a "step back" from engineering or not.
But such an attitude is rare, I'm sure. Who wants to make less money, after all? I do, if it means I don't have to be an engineer out in the suburbs. But I remain alone in that mindset.
And so I have been unable to test my theories about enjoying brainless work. Until now. If it turns out that I can't stand hour after hour of correcting mailing addresses, at least this job self-destructs in a few weeks.
However, today was passable. I popped some Beethoven into my CD player (mmm ... 7th symphony) and ripped through a pile of paper. I also got free cookies.
In honor of this momentous occasion (that of positive cash flow, however temporary), I would like to reflect on the highlights of my job search thus far.
- Asking myself if I really wanted to dress up in a "Chipper the Squirrel" costume for money. Cons: sweating, wearing a musty suit, getting hit in the groin by vengeful kids. Pros: the stories, the stories! And, of course, the pictures! Sadly, the cons outweighed the pros.
- Recognizing the abundance of irony (Alanis-style) in my search for office work. Examples include:
- A job posting that stressed the importance of "correct grammer[sic], spelling, punctuation".
- A skills test with the question "the best method of checking detailed clerical work for accuracy compared to the orginal[sic] is ______".
- My favorite, a typing test that had me repeatedly typing paragraphs about the nature of creativity.
- Realizing that the job I was interviewing for was a complete scam. Of course, I knew from the outset that something was odd with the job, but my curiosity led me to figure out what that was. Highlights of this experience include:
- Classified ad included the phrase "must be crazy to work here".
- Upon arriving to office, was greeted by jambox blaring Green Day.
- The "secretary" quickly ran out of job application forms, so she used some from the business that had previously (and recently) occupied the same office space.
- Was initially interviewed at the same time with two other people, a day care attendant, and a former line cook. They were told to call back later that day to schedule the second interview. After they had left the room, the "manager" told me she was impressed by me, and the second interview was actually in ten minutes in the other room.
- Upon entering the other room, was forced to watch The Mask while waiting for twenty other "second-tier" candidates to show up. The "manager" and "secretary" would pop in from time to time to tell jokes, with topics ranging from Viagra to sexual positions.
- Was told that the company web site was the only reliable source of information, as other web sites tend to "lie and manipulate".
- When someone asked a question during the presentation, the reply was, "if you f***ing interrupt me one more time, I will ask you to leave."
- I eventually left, when the fun of getting to the bottom of this scam was outweighed by hearing quips like "'job' stands for 'just over broke'" and "a goal is just a dream until you write it down".
After reading this entry, you might think that I would be depressed, but I'm actually rather upbeat. Perhaps it is my ability to step back and observe the humor in all this. Perhaps it is that after many prayers, I now have at least some sort of job, and I thank God for that.
production note
Written at:
23:59 15 Apr, 2002 permalink
For those of you keeping score at home, today's entries were the first written and edited using the web-based journal tool I made.
Now I can write and edit entries from anywhere that has a web browser, no longer needing access to telnet. Not that it matters, as I almost always write from home. But hopefully this tool will also mean I won't screw things up so much.
But if you'd been thinking that my entries of late have been little more than links and commentary (and not clever original material like you might find elsewhere), well, blame it on my new Blogger-style utility.
Or on Rio. Or the rain. Just leave me out of it.
homestar blogger
Written at:
23:53 15 Apr, 2002 permalink
Mind you, our good friends in corporate America have nothing on independent Flash-generated web sites when it comes to theme song writing.
By that, I of course refer to the wonder that is Homestar Runner. His theme song is light years beyond anything some corporation-paid consultant could crank out.
That site also features some cartoons I enjoy, most notably "The King of Town".
That's all I really have to say about that.
sing a song of business
Written at:
23:30 15 Apr, 2002 permalink
If, as I predict, corporations will eventually become the true units of statehood in this world, then maybe you should take the time to listen to the national anthems of the future.
No stodgy bombastic marches these, the anthems of the next millenium (wait, no, this millenium) embody everything you love about music - synthesized bongos, forced soulful crooning, and use of phrases like "vision of global strategy".
No, really. Perhaps the best example of these qualities is KPMG's song entitled "Our Vision of Global Strategy" (MP3 format). If the title alone doesn't inspire to buy, um, whatever it is that they're selling, then how about the following verse which demonstrates a clear mastery of internal rhyme:
We create, we innovate
We pass the ones that are late.
A global team, this is our dream of success that we create.
We'll be number one, with effort and fun
Together each of us will run
For gold that shines like the sun in our eyes
I know, I know - goosebumps, right? Just wait until you hear the key change, my friend.
And if that doesn't do it for you, there is an unofficial jungle version.
But lest you fear that our corporate overlords will force their bland musical tastes on us much as they have their bland products, take a listen to McKinsey & Company's song,"McKC" (MP3 format), which is reminiscent of Indian film music, including the inability of the singer to prounounce w's.
Of course, it's not just the rap break or those hot! hot! hot! horns that endears this tune, and therefore whatever is being sold here, to the listener.
There are also lyrics that seem to say "There are seals there, everywhere / But stop shall we not" and "M C K C is the place to be / The team is great, one goddess - C". Wack MC, indeed. Still, it beats talk of leveraging synergies.
Not to be outdone, PriceWaterhouseCoopers shows their diversity with two distinct entries, one of which, "Your World" (MP3 format), apparently features the people who sang the Family Ties theme song.
But far more impressive is their late-80's Lisa-Lisa-inspired "Downright Global" (MP3 format), with singers that were undoubtedly given the directions to be "urban, but not too urban".
However, the lyrics, which also manage to use the words "imagination" and "STCI1" (whatever that is) in the same song, ultimately prove that this ditty was ripped off from a local community college TV ad, with such lines as "Continuing your education is our recommendation" left intact.
Other notables include Ericsson's acronym-laden smolderer, "Network Intelligence", which offers the following advice on fatalism and telephony:
Now don't you wonder why
Some people never cry
They trust in fate
In their premium rate
Finally, there's my favorite, Deutsche Bank's "Global technology" (MP3 format) (okay, okay, you're all very global, fine), which is actually either an old Marines TV ad theme, the lost Top Gun soundtrack song, the closing tune to a mid-80's Broadway show about Wall Street, or some permutation thereof. I find it rather compelling, really. I hope they pipe it into every cubicle at key times each day. That would really get me going.
Actually, in doing the, er, research necessary to write this article, I found myself (and my roommates, who didn't know what they were being exposed to) humming these corporate ditties. Just because they're shmaltzy doesn't mean they're not catchy, I suppose.
At the very least, they're all leagues better than that horrid, horrid patchwork of sounds that is that stupid "spin, spin, spin the globe" song. Ugh.
odds and ends, part 2
Written at:
18:52 09 Apr, 2002 permalink
Maybe it's the state of things in the world these days, but I just haven't found myself having much to say. But that never stops a blogger! Accordingly, here are some links that have been stuck in my head of late.
The first, Modern Humorist's movie trailer cliche theater is simply one of those "ha ha, it's funny because they observe things so well" items. The music selections in this clip are outstanding, especially the last one.
I was also highly impressed by Modern Humorist's summer movie songs from last year. Not only are the lyrics humorous (cf. the end of "I Want My Own Country Too"(MP3 format)), but the music is eerily spot-on (cf. the number of key changes in Disney's "The Perfect Storm"(MP3 format)). Such ridiculous attention to detail! And I even found myself singing these songs days after having listened to them. Maybe I just need to get out more.
While I'm shilling for Modern Humorist, I might as well point out that their Star Saga bit also made me laugh a lot, because deep down I am a nerd. Or maybe just a dork.
Speaking of transition phrases, there is proof that my job search could be worse in "the Skeletor Job Hunt". Other cartoons from Monkeys and Robots amuse me similarly, but are less, um, mature.
But if there's one link I want to leave you with today, it's this: Weiner Dog Races (sadly recently Flash-ified). Spend some time watching a few of these races; if you think you get it, then please explain it to me. Part of me wants to think it's all some very clever joke, but I don't think it is. It's just a lot of, um, weiner dog races.
So let me know in the comments if you have any all-time favorite links that you've been keeping to yourself. Because, you know, there's a real dearth of entertainment in this country right now.
odds and ends, part 1
Written at:
17:52 09 Apr, 2002 permalink
While the debate rages on elsewhere, I just wanted to jot down some bric-a-brac I found lying around my head recently. So here's a short story.
The other day, I saw an ad in the classifieds for a company looking for a web developer.
Excited, I called up the number and talked to a woman who seemed really interested in my experience and qualifications. We talked for a bit, and then
she asked me to send in my resume.
Just as I was about to go, she asked me if I would have any problems creating "adult" web sites.
Disappointed, I replied that I would. Religious beliefs and all.
Sigh. Who would've ever thought that my morals would keep me from making lots of money?
Oh, wait, never mind.
So now I'm going around telling everybody that the porn industry wanted me to work for them, but I turned them down. Oh, that's not true.
cynicism, my anti-drug
Written at:
15:21 02 Apr, 2002 permalink
You've seen the ads. "I killed a judge today." "I bribed an official."
Drug use supports
terrorism, they tell you. But are they giving us the whole picture?
Never mind that the campaign appeals to the good of society in trying to prevent an activity that
is inherently self-centered. Do we really think drug users are going to pause before dropping acid
and ask, "Hey, what about terrorism?"
No, ignore all that. I want to know if smoking a cigarette contributes to terrorism. Tobacco is, after all,
a drug. It's even
possible that tobacco is more harmful than
marijuana, if only because tobacco is typically smoked more frequently.
Since we know that marijuana is evil, tobacco must be even more evil. Perhaps even
super-evil. And yet most tobacco smoked in America was grown in America. So is smoking a
cigarette patriotic or what?
I mean, lighting up a Marlboro and enjoying my dual citizenship in flavor country certainly
helps stimulate the economy (among other things). And the government
supports
tobacco farmers for their work. Should we therefore support local marijuana
growers who eschew murder and smuggling in favor of a more friendly supply system?
If not, and we're not going to let facts stand in the way, then shouldn't we also see ads that tie
cigarettes to acts of pure evil?
It should go something like this: [the following shots are filmed as close-ups with a single light on
the face and a black background]
GIRL 1: I lied before a senate subcommittee today.
GIRL 2: The other kids said it'd be cool.
BOY 1: I stole $70,000 over the course of a lifetime from a poor man in Raleigh.
BOY 2: I just wanted to have some fun.
GIRL 3: I gave an entire family emphysema and increased chances for lung cancer.
GIRL 4: I just wanted to fit in.
VOICEOVER: Buying cigarettes supports the tobacco industry, which takes money mainly from poor Americans,
in return for increased health problems.
Hmm. Sounds like one of those "truth" ads.
Gettin' kinda preachy. But why should we just stop at illegal drugs and tobacco? I'd also like to see the
following commercial:
MAN 1: I gunned down twelve Africans today.
MAN 2: I just wanted to get my kids to school on time.
WOMAN 1: I committed genocide today in a country run by an authoritarian regime.
WOMAN 2: I was just too tired to walk.
MAN 3: I killed several old people with emphysema in a major city.
MAN 4: I just wanted the other guys to think I was macho.
VOICEOVER: Buying gasoline supports undemocratic authoritarian regimes that support terrorism, forces
America to support those regimes as well, and contributes to major environmental and health
problems.
Or, why not combine the two ads, get even preachier, and address a different problem?
WOMAN 1: I bought Senator Inhofe a three-martini lunch at the Doubletree today.
WOMAN 2: I just wanted to take the kids to soccer practice.
MAN 1: I bought Senator Hutchinson a nice vacation in Hawaii today.
MAN 2: All I wanted was to buy some more smokes.
WOMAN 3: I bought Senator Carnahan a shiny new car today.
WOMAN 4: And I got drunk while doing it!
VOICEOVER: When you purchase all sorts of products, you support the corporations that support your
elected officials. In an ideal world, someone would pass a law that abolished such bribery, but
the reality is that your vote is nowhere near as important as the money you give to perpetuate
this system, so there's really nothing you can do.
Oh wait, we did pass a
law. Never mind, everything's better now. And now to take this admittedly
tired premise to its preachy conclusion:
MAN 1: I shut down all the locally-owned video stores within fifty miles.
MAN 2: But none of them carried Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles like Walmart.
WOMAN 1: I bribed Congress to extend the copyright laws another twenty years
again.
WOMAN 2: My kids said they wouldn't behave unless I bought Cinderella II.
MAN 3: I forced an Italian couple to lose their life's savings.
MAN 4: The commercials said the Olive Garden's food was authentic.
WOMAN 3: I destroyed America's farming industry and significantly decreased biodiversity.
WOMAN 4: But how else was I supposed to find strawberries in winter?
VOICEOVER: When you buy things, you support the actions of the industries whose products you buy,
affecting a large number of people in your country and elsewhere. But much of this cause and
effect isn't obvious, and it's easier to ignore it.
Wow, even
preachier
than
Ziggy.
And yet less funny.
Written by: Josh
Written at: 06:43 24 Apr, 2002